General Carlessness

The other kind of suburban recreational bike ride that involves sporty-looking bikes and athletic attire

2012-01-26T18:23:00.005-06:00

I presume this is a family. They're all wearing Chicago Bears jerseys and riding flashy mountain-style Xmart bikes. I wonder sometimes if this is what's actually normal for most regular people. (Well, except for the rainbow. That just made it awesome.)

At the time I was riding my mother's Trek Navigator sans accessories, and felt nearly naked.

Hey you! Put some lights on your bike!

2012-01-26T18:02:00.000-06:00

Addendum: For actual information, see Get Lit - Use Lights At Night by Steven Vance. For a separate rant about a liberal arts major trying to do biochemistry, see me later.

Fine. I get it. You're not a "cyclist." You're not into sports or fashion, and you're not doing this for your own health or the planet's. You're just a regular Joe/Jo getting around the neighborhood by bike. Great. Wonderful. Splendid. Put some lights on your bike anyway.

Lights are not optional. They aren't a statement or a package deal with the fluorescent fabrics and the extraneous reflective material. They won't make you uncool. You can have lights and still be a regular person who's not a cyclist.

Lights are required by both law and the rules of common decency. Yes, I know, you can see just fine at night without lights. They are not for you. They are for everyone else on and near the road, so they can see you without feeling like you're sneaking up on them out of the orangeness. That's just impolite. Unsafe, but also impolite.

For the love of christ, people

2012-01-24T12:13:00.003-06:00

The headline says it right there: "Disabled FREIGHT train delays Metra Rock Island trains."

Bike winter?

2012-01-24T10:59:00.000-06:00

Dear weather,

What the hell?

I am going to manufacture this and become rich and famous

2012-01-20T14:10:00.003-06:00

For the chic cyclist who is also a bit of a handywoman: A flat repair kit disguised as a cosmetics case, featuring degreasing wipes with a light floral scent and a powder brush and mirror for touching up afterward.

Come to think of it, I could probably produce a whole line of girl-friendly bike tools. It's already done for regular tools (example), why not bike tools?

Winter smug

2012-01-20T13:24:00.002-06:00

I won't lie---I appreciate a good snowstorm now and then, because it so nicely justifies my winter wardrobe of lugged soles and waterproof everything.

Is this an old boys' club after all?

2012-01-18T21:30:00.002-06:00

I just got back from the CDOT thing at the Garfield Park Conservatory (which was kind of a mistake, seeing as how I should have guessed that it would focus entirely on the west side, where I don't live and seldom go except for pierogies, and that's always by car), and I feel that I must share with you an impression that I got as I was leaving.

I was not the only woman there. I doubt we were even a minority. But nonetheless, there was definitely a male vibe to the affair. I may have been the only woman who asked a question during the Q&A, and I think only one of the people supplying answers was a woman. I would say, for the most part, the men talked and the women listened.

This confused the hell out of me at first. I mean, women are supposedly the ones who are most concerned about their safety and would be more willing to bike transport if only there were more of those separated, protected bike lanes and trails to ride on. Shouldn't they---sorry, we---be speaking up at these meetings? Shouldn't we be exploiting these opportunities to make our presence known, our concerns raised, and our voices heard?

I thought more about it on the L ride back to where my bike was parked, and I remembered that this gender bias in the realm of PowerPoint presentations and Q&A sessions is really more of a general issue in society as a whole than an isolated problem that's particular to bicycling. But still, the matter worries me somewhat.

Are we, as women, just going to accept what the men and women of CDOT have to offer, and once it's in place, find some other reason not to ride a bike to the store? And then watch well-meaning men wring their hands and wonder why women don't bike as much, and tell them the same thing all over again when they think to ask? Because it's a patriarchal society and that's just the way things are?

Screw that. You don't make change by smiling and looking pretty, you make change by making noise. And what better time to make noise than when The Man is right there asking for your input?

Wildly impractical ideas to deter bike theft

2012-01-16T20:16:00.002-06:00

*Get a white leather saddle, take a ride on the rag sans rag

*Remove all the "Surly" decals and engrave "Girliest Girl's Bike Ever!" in extravagantly flowery script in their places

*Solder the rack, fenders, bottle cages, and perhaps even a few dummy accessories in place

*Zipties on every spoke (bonus: if you can't see me coming, you should certainly hear me coming)

*Add Romulan spiky bits to both U-locks

*I'm not sure what, exactly, but it involves those glue traps for rodents

And another thing

2012-01-14T16:08:00.003-06:00

Please note that "You should get an upright bike with fenders, mudguards, and a fully encased chain or a belt drive, which is more suitable for winter" is not an acceptable solution for many people. All they will hear is "blah blah blah $$$yet another bike$$$ blah blah blah," and then they will stop listening, and that will be the end of winter cycling for them.

You see, many n00bs, especially brokeass n00bs, consider that they have already gone through quite enough time, trouble, and/or expense to acquire a bicycle, so now that the weather officially sucks, what they really want to know is how best to modify and utilize the bicycle that they already have. Everything else is probably just a bunch of lecturing from elite cyclists who aren't in touch with regular folks, even those elite cyclists who actually consider themselves to be regular folks. (Regular folks don't use phrases like "fully encased chain or belt drive" in regular conversation.)

As for me, I'm a n00b to riding the Cross-Check in winter, and I'm too brokeass to afford a Dutch-style bike durable enough to stand up to daily use without falling into a heap of rust by mid-March, so what I need to figure out is how to get the fenders to actually fend away all the filthy slush that's currently melting all over the floor. I'm wondering now if they're trapping more snow than they keep off.

Fenders: Why?

2012-01-14T16:03:00.002-06:00

If the mess all over both legs up to mid-calf and the crud melting off the drivetrain are any indication, fenders don't do shit.

Frak winter

2012-01-11T20:55:00.004-06:00

There's a winter weather advisory for tomorrow and tomorrow night, and I just know that if I play it cautious and take the bus to campus in the morning, I will end up tramping all the way home in a light flurry and feeling like a sucker. However, the simple act of riding my bike in the morning will likely increase the probability of near-blizzard conditions by the time I get off work.

Leaving the bike at work overnight it absolutely out of the question.

In other news, I now have two helmets.

I hate trains

2012-01-10T14:10:00.003-06:00

I've noticed a renaissance of interest in my Flickr pics of trains taken from my old apartment where I no longer live because I can't afford three whole rooms at the top of a nice highrise building anymore, and it's just made me depressed about having to move to this dumpy little box all over again.

Happy newish year!

2012-01-03T14:28:00.002-06:00

The last ride of 2011 occurred on New Year's Eve day (to the retail republic of North and Clybourne, if it matters). The outward half was pleasant enough, but the homeward half was a miserable reminder of why I &$#@!ing hate winter. It was also a miserable reminder of what a stubborn jackass I am, because any reasonable person would have taken a bus home or at least gotten off the lakefront.

The first ride of 2012 has yet to occur because I seem to be coming down with some horrible flu-like illness of doom, possibly as a result of the last ride of 2011.

Sometimes I just want to smack people

2011-12-28T23:48:00.002-06:00

Tires with reflective sidewalls
Reflective tape at each weld on the frame
Reflectors on both wheels and both pedals
Front and rear reflectors
Reflective straps on both ankles
Bright yellow jacket with Scotchlite stripes
Spock mittens with reflective logos
Helmet with reflective tape
Bike sack with reflective trim
Front and rear lights, both steady and flashing...

"Sorry---I didn't see you coming!"

And then I notice the damage all over her car and think, I'm so glad I was actually small and nimble enough to avoid coming into contact with that thing she's barely driving. Had I been in a car as well, there would likely be fragments of bumper all over the street. And she'd still have smiled, waved, and driven away, too engrossed in the virtual lives of her Facebook friends to care about the world in front of her. And I'd be crying over a busted bumper, possibly on Facebook.

Which is worse: Distracted driving, or the utterly, pathetically banal uses most of us have for the Internet?

Welcome to Chicago, now try to stay alive

2011-12-28T13:45:00.002-06:00

This is not Copenhagen. This is Chicago, where it's most often in the driver's best interest to speed away and leave you dying in the middle of the street. Pretending with all your might that Chicago is just like Copenhagen will not make it so. We simply don't have the legal system to back it up.

The three most important things you'll need for winter bike commuting

2011-12-20T03:09:00.001-06:00

1. Lights
2. Extra batteries for your lights
3. Extra lights (with batteries)

Cycling for recreational transportation

2011-12-11T13:41:00.003-06:00

Another thing, another couple more people shocked that I ride all the way from Hyde park to wherever (and back!) for fun. Not even with a club or anything, just on my own, just because. Maybe there's a perfectly good reason for all the dorky bike-specific clothing and accessories in my closet after all. I'm actually some sort of junior-varsity athlete, by city standards.

I was also embarrassed by how little I know of cycling conditions in my own CDOT area. I bike commute because campus is just far enough away from home to be annoying otherwise, but everything between there and here is within comfortable walking distance (provided I avoid Cornell, of course), and there are no other so-called destinations south of Roosevelt where I ever need to go for any practical reasons.

It occurs to me that I'm not really a good representative of urban utility cycling. I bike because I'm bored, dammit. My reasons are only slightly more noble than those of people who jump in their cars and go on absurdly long road trips just to say they've been to some out-of-the way county downstate, or something.

...And then another one!

2011-12-07T14:17:00.003-06:00

This time it was a Prairie construction truck. In broad daylight, while wearing my bright yellow thing AND taking the lane, AND with a whole Camry occupying the lane next to me. If I weren't so shaken, I might actually be impressed that he pulled it off with only a brush to the cyclist's elbow.

I thought truck drivers were supposed to be professionals who didn't take those kinds of risks, but maybe it's different for construction.

Fucking hit by fucking another fucking car fucking again at the fucking same fucking intersection!

2011-12-03T20:36:00.002-06:00

That's it, I'm killing myself. The world clearly wants me dead.

I want Avenger back

2011-12-02T00:25:00.000-06:00

He was my winter bike. It's winter!

Quick and easy guide to whose fault it really is when your Metra train is late and/or the conductor won't let you bring your bike on board

2011-12-01T19:44:00.004-06:00

According to Wikipedia, but railfans who write Wikipedia articles tend to know their stuff pretty well.

Union Pacific North
Owned and operated by Union Pacific.

Union Pacific Northwest
Owned and operated by Union Pacific.

Union Pacific West
Owned and operated by Union Pacific.

BNSF
Owned and operated by BNSF.

SouthWest Service
Owned by Norfolk Southern.

Heritage Corridor
Owned by Canadian National.

North Central Service
Owned by Canadian National beyond River Grove.

Milwaukee District North
Dispatched by Canadian Pacific.

Milwaukee District West
Dispatched by Canadian Pacific.

Rock Island District
Owned and operated by Metra.

Metra Electric
Owned and operated by Metra.

My name is Jennifer, and I'm reading A Game of Thrones

2011-12-01T03:33:00.004-06:00

Pro: Much cheaper than HBO.
Con: By many accounts, not as interesting. It's certainly no Dune.

Story of my bike life

2011-12-01T02:50:00.002-06:00

Bikeyface's Dirty Secret

Except I'm reading instead of drawing.

There is a God, and She hates me

2011-11-16T17:52:00.003-06:00

I just realized that the day I turn 30 is the day that everyone keeps referring to as "Black Friday."

*weeps*

Come out and skate

2011-11-16T12:14:00.002-06:00

McCormick Tribune Ice Rink at Millennium Park opens this Friday, November 18, through Sunday, March 11, barring a freak late-winter heat wave before that date. Skating is free; skate rental is $10.

Rink at Wrigley at Wrigley Field opens on Friday, November 25, which happens to be my 1Eth birthday (other exciting events include a Mars mission launch and the reopening of the Queen's Landing crosswalk, which you'll have to Google for yourself because my home network is being stupid right now), running through February 27. Admission and skate rental prices vary.

And as always (enjoy it while you can, at any rate), open skate admission is free at all of the outdoor ice rinks of the Chicago Park District. The season runs from November 26 through February 26---weather permitting, of course, which it rarely does. Skate rental is $7 at Daley Bicentennial Plaza and $6 at the other outdoor rinks.

In just 17 days, I will officially be old enough to get away with looking like a huge dork

2011-11-08T19:22:00.003-06:00

I can't wait.

2011-11-03T11:13:00.003-05:00

In other news, this.

I am officially a hipster

2011-11-03T11:04:00.002-05:00

I have an ironic cyclocross bike that's worth twice as much as the rent for my crappy studio.

When not to use the Lakefront Trail

2011-09-30T18:11:00.002-05:00

When there is a gale warning.

Goodbye

2011-09-30T00:22:00.001-05:00

The Roadie's Guide to Riding a Bike in a Skirt

2011-09-22T02:42:00.002-05:00

Step 1: Put on bike shorts.

Step 2: Put on skirt.

Step 3: Get on bike.

Step 4: Is your skirt flaring up? Who cares!

Do not be alarmed by the pervasive burning smell

2011-09-13T20:21:00.002-05:00

Well, not very alarmed.

Statement as of 3:05 PM EDT on September 13, 2011

... Smoke from northeastern Minnesota wild fire spreading into
northern Illinois...

Smoke from a large wildfire over northeast Minnesota has been
moving into far northern Illinois this afternoon... due to
northerly winds behind a cold front which moved across the area
early this morning. Although the fire is more than 400 miles
northwest of the area... the combination of sinking air and
northerly winds behind the front has transported smoke all the way
into northern Illinois. The smoke will likely persist through the
afternoon and into the overnight hours... before winds become more
westerly in advance of another cold front which will approach
early Wednesday morning. Smoke will likely continue to spread to
the southeast across much of northeast Illinois and Northwest
Indiana through this evening. Expect hazy skies and a distinct
burning odor.

The Lake County Illinois emergency manager reports that smoke is
prevalent enough to cause people to report difficulty breathing
and burning of their eyes.

Individuals with respiratory problems should use caution while
smoke affects the area.

Ratzer

The epic bike trip that wasn't

2011-09-13T10:48:00.002-05:00

It was hot.

No, that simple statement does not adequately describe the situation. It was HOT, the air suffocating, the sky brassy; there was no wind and no relief in the shade. Hot like the whole world was a sauna and you were ready to leave, but could not. So hot that even native southern Illinoisans were commenting on it, and let me tell you, what Chicago calls a heat wave, they call normal summer weather.

I had a plan: We would detrain (is that a word? one of the conductors said it), dump our overnight stuff at the hotel, and make for the Vadalabene Bikeway. We'd spend a few hours riding beside the ridiculously majestic bluffs of the Confluence, and then we'd be in Grafton to dine and sample local wine. And then we would ride back, returning to the riverfront in Alton just in time to watch the sun set gloriously behind the Clark Bridge.

But it was too hot.

I was certain that the heat would abate somewhat by late afternoon. I was overwhelmingly wrong. My experience must be based on proximity to Lake Michigan, which provides a bit of cooling influence on even the most brutally hot days. Sometimes you don't even notice it, so you forget to be properly grateful that the lake is nearby. But there was no lake here to provide a breeze. Instead, there was a river valley sucking the hot, moist air right out of the Gulf of Mexico and then trapping it inside the valley so it could bake further in the sun.

On top of that, we also felt the exhaust of bewilderingly heavy stop-and-go traffic. I was very confused. Aren't we in Alton? Isn't Alton supposed to be the farthest extent of St. Louis-related civilization? Where did all these cars come from? He pointed out that I'd likely just never happened to be there on a Friday afternoon before. I used to take midweek days off for this sort of thing, ride the last train down instead of the first, head out from the hotel midmorning the next day. Plus, it was a holiday weekend.

I had misplanned. It was kind of embarrassing.

We got as far as Piasa Park, where he declared that he was finished. I was finished, too, but also dangerously unaware of this fact. I would have pressed on out of stubbornness to see through my grand plan and then collapsed by the side of the road somewhere in the middle of Bumfrak, Illinois. It's happened once or twice before. See, this is why it's so much better to travel with somebody.

So we were done, and we hadn't even left Alton yet. Oh well, maybe some other time. But there was still the matter of the next day. You see, we were committed to being in St. Louis by the end of the next day. And we were increasingly concerned about the situation. Back at the hotel, I spread out the regional trail map and pointed out the locations of water sources while he did some calculations with his magic phone.

Concern turned to worry, at least for me. If riding was a no go, then our only other option was to spend a ridiculous amount of money on train tickets and hope that they'd let us on board with our bikes. But if they did not, we'd be stranded in the middle of the midday heat. And if we then waited until early evening for the heat to abate, it would put us in the middle of a remote industrial area well after dark. Neither of these things were acceptable to me.

So our best plan for the next day was to beat the heat. We arose early (and yet he still got to sleep in for an hour or so, relative to a normal day), gulped down a free continental breakfast, and took the shortcut along the shoulder of the expressway to the Confluence Trail spur along the top of the Wood River levee. Naturally, we got lost, but we didn't waste too much time being lost to foil our new plan. It more or less worked; we were at the Riverfront Trail head near Laclede's Landing by 11am, just in time for peak heat. But it wasn't the leisurely journey down the river into the city that I had originally planned.

I apologized profusely.

"It's okay, that just means we'll have to come back next year. Would that be so bad?"

"No, I guess not."

Snapshot from the BLT

2011-09-13T02:47:00.002-05:00

"What is that!"

We'd turned from 55th onto Ellis and were making our way south through the west end of the University of Chicago campus. The sheer marvel in his voice took me by surprise. I glanced around, wondering what he could be looking at.

"What is what?"

"That!"

I followed the direction of his outstretched arm, which was pointed at the ethereal glass dome of Mansueto Library.

"Oh, that's Mansueto."

"But what is it?"

Cripes, I'd done it again. The better you know somebody, the harder it can be to communicate. Ideas take shortcuts on their way out of your head. You forget that the other person doesn't know quite everything that you do.

"It's the new library. Did I not tell you about it?"

"That's a library?!"

And for a moment, a brief moment, I shared in his awe: "Yes, it's a library!"

You must understand, I'd seen Mansueto ever since it was an architectural rendering on the side of a construction fence wrapped around a five-story hole in the ground. It opened with much fanfare to the public and great relief to me because it finally meant an end to the construction that was jamming traffic along my primary route to work. My main thought when I finally saw it from the inside was, "I would not want to be here during severe weather.

Well, it was a pretty bad summer, weather-wise, and smashing your face against a car door in a microburst does change your perspective on certain things. In any event, an architectural marvel that's been acclaimed high and low had, for me, been reduced to mere background scenery, just another building to pass by on my way to the daily grind. I hardly even noticed it anymore.

Until he showed it to me.

The moral of the story is, if you're going to play tourist in your own city, it helps to bring someone along from out of town. Someone who can show you the things you see every day and make you look at them.

It also helps to be on your bike.

Dooring: Why?

2011-09-10T14:51:00.002-05:00

I mean, with all these drivers failing to look before opening the damn things, why are the streets not littered with the remains of driver-side doors broadsided by buses and city trucks? Where are the reports of pedestrians knocked over by car doors on one-way streets? If these people make such a regular habit of flinging their doors open heedlessly into traffic (or even heedfully---I've seen drivers look me straight in the eye with complete comprehension for a full second or two before opening their doors anyway), then why is dooring such a problem exclusively for cyclists?

We're taking the train! (While we can!)

2011-09-09T03:02:00.003-05:00

In the days that followed a mostly successful bike/train trip to St. Louis over Labor Day weekend, I encountered, among other depressing things (not the least of which was the dismal weather), this awful bit of news in NARP Blog:

Amtrak Threatened With Shutdown Budget

Yeah, bike/ped projects are also facing the axe, too, probably. Sorry, I've been too busy with the three pseudo-jobs to pay much attention lately. I guess that's how our country fell into such bad shape in the first place---people being too busy trying to pay the bills to pay attention to other kinds of bills.

In other news, don't ever let anyone try to tell you that nobody takes Amtrak. The train I rode on Monday was so full of nobody that more tickets than seats were sold and the cafe car was standing room only for most of the trip. This happens consistently during major holidays, at least in my experience. (I don't often travel outside of major holidays, but then, neither do most people, or major holidays wouldn't produce such crowds compared to normal times.)

Without Amtrak service, we can expect to see this happen a lot more often than just on Labor Day afternoon on the way home from Wisconsin Dells. Or not, if people are too broke to buy gas. Or too busy with their two or three pseudo-jobs to take time off, even for a major holiday.

Complete this sentence:

2011-09-06T22:11:00.001-05:00

Home is where your

heart
soul
ass
bed
bike
beer
hat
towel

is.

Po Camp bungee handbag ultimate review: Qualified positive

2011-09-06T16:13:00.003-05:00

Sometime this summer it occurred to me: If my special Po Campo handbag supposed to look like just an ordinary ladies' handbag, then why not simply use it as one? Dagnabbit, I didn't spend $70 (on sale!) just to have it sit in the closet as a failed experiment before I eventually get tired of it taking up space and give it away.

So, I've been using it all summer as, well, a purse, and I have to say that in such capacity it actually works very well indeed. The bike stuff generally stays in the grocery sack, and when I go somewhere by bike, I just drop the Po Campo purse right inside on top of everything else, where it fits far better than my bulky Haiku shoulder bag ever did.

Unfortunately, this means that my beloved Haiku shoulder bag (discontinued!) spends most of its time in the closet lately, but given that I've been loving it so much that the artificial suede is starting to wear out and look really weird, perhaps it's time to retire it soon. Or not. It's still probably the best thing I have for bike-free travel.

In other news, I recently acquired a new traveling tote by ChicoBag. So everything I've ever told anyone about how I'm not being the kind of woman who will regularly buy a new purse and brag about it even though I already have a dozen or so stashed in my closet is a lie, apparently. And most of them don't even match any of my shoes.

5100 S Cornell #1301

2011-08-31T21:40:00.006-05:00

Well, so now the whole world knows my address. Doesn't matter; it's only good for 30 more days.

This is home. It's been home since October of '04. It's the first apartment I moved into after college. I didn't think I'd be sticking around for quite so long.

Honestly, I'd assumed that my life would proceed such that by now I would have upgraded to better, not worse, living quarters, but things didn't work out that way. Whatever, when life gives you lemons, brace yourself because even more lemons are coming.

So I'm sitting here in the dark (easier to see that way) at my ginormous living room window (overlooking the railroad tracks) watching the fireworks at Navy Pier (every Wednesday and Saturday night through September) and getting hammered (why not), basking in the orange glow of 270 degrees of summer nighttime Chicago from 13 floors up, and wondering what, exactly, I did wrong so that now, after seven years, I have to leave in 30 days, exiled to an entire living space the size of this room and right over a driveway.

Maybe I should have gone to grad school. Maybe I should have tried harder to make Groupon like me. Maybe I should have done all sorts of things. It's probably no good thinking about it, but it's hard not to, up here, where the cool night air wafts gently inside, with so much of the city laid out before me.

The inbound Illini just passed. I shall have to find a new location to watch trains. It's been so much easier to do this at home.

Home.

Where is home?

I heart my Cross-Check

2011-08-30T01:56:00.002-05:00

And I finally hearted it enough to need parts replaced! It only took 2 years...

How long does it take to break in a new bike, normally? It's only been, well, this summer, I guess, that I've felt truly comfortable riding it. And I only stopped calling it my "new" bike when I didn't have my old bike anynmore. In contrast, by the time I'd been riding the Trek hybrid this long, I'd already begun to grow tired of it in certain situations (as well as replaced most of the drivetrain once or twice over---well, I never foresaw when I bought it that I would use it so very, very much, and then be laid off and unable to upgrade for a while). Anyway, I wonder if being forced to ride the Cross-Check every day because it is now My Own And Only (Full-Sized) Bicycle is what made the difference.

In other news, I wonder how the Trek is doing. Last I heard, it was being utilized by a triathlete as a commuter/beater. I imagine the frame will end its days in some third-world country, having been gleaned from a dumpster and donated to one of those cooperatives, but being the aluminum frame of a dorky hybrid from the mid-00s, deemed unfit for resale to savvy urban n00bs and therefore shipped overseas for charity.

I sometimes entertain thoughts of buying him back. An old friend deserves better treatment, does he not? Even if he is a stupid bastard.

4*BT summary

2011-08-30T00:55:00.002-05:00

Beautiful day. Next time, wear sunscreen. Mad props to the Active Trans staff, volunteers, sponsors, and law-enforcement officials* for a fantastic ride, as always.

*Someone in a squad car was doing traffic control at one intersection. I don't know if it was done as part of the ride, in response to an unrelated incident, or just as an independent favor for us, but thanks are due all the same.

Men have it easy

2011-08-26T12:14:00.004-05:00

Men can wear just about anything anywhere and fit right in. Women, on the other hand, are expected to maintain a certain appearance in certain situations that is almost always contrary to what is acceptable in other situations.

So, for an upcoming bike trip that's also a trip with bikes, I'm finding myself completely at a loss as to what I should bring, and which bags to pack it in, and how I'm going to be able to carry it all. The bike trip portion demands a full array of spandex outfits, sturdy shoes, and reliably waterproof gear. In contrast, the trip with the bike warrants clothing that looks like I put at least some cursory thought into my appearance when I selected it, cute sandals that I can sort of hobble around in with a minimum of blisters as long as I'm not going on an adventure, and a shoulder bag that I wouldn't be ashamed to carry into the ladies' restroom.

Okay, so I guess I have the first part of the trip pretty much nailed at this point, but oh, what the frak am I going to pack for the second?

Actually, I think in the course of writing this, I have decided that the Po Campo purse is going to have to stay at home, given that it's completely useless in the rain (and on a bike tour, you don't want to take any chances with rain). I guess I could clip the shoulder strap onto the alien transport pod and try to pass it off as a funky messenger bag. Didn't I used to do that anyway, when I first started this serious bike thing? Before anyone cared about the style rules and we all just road our bikes with whatever? (Oh, the irony...)

Anyway, not having to worry about how to carry the damn purse while in bike trip mode has probably solved more than half of the problem, so the rest is probably just a matter of bag Tetris. I sure hope it's going to be nice and hot, though; the only jacket I have that packs well is bright yellow and covered with grease stains. Can I get that stuff out without compromising the waterproof treatment, or is it just time for a new jacket?

Dumbass of the day

2011-08-25T17:55:00.003-05:00

I don't always comment on "normal" crime, but when I do...

"I am a dumbass white boy from Wisconsin. I watch Gangland, and I came to the South Side of Chicago to act like a big baller. I borrowed a gun from a friend for protection, and I was scared to be driving down here. I’m on vacation with my family and I have the gun because my girlfriend is scared, too.

"Take the car, take the money. I don’t care. Just let me walk, bro. Please let me go."

The potholes will protect you!

2011-08-25T17:43:00.002-05:00

Seriously, the best way to ensure that drivers give you ample passing space is to ride directly through as many potholes as possible. They are more afraid of potholes than we are.

An observation

2011-08-25T03:37:00.001-05:00

Every day I encounter a million reasons to put the widest possible tires on the bike you ride most often in the city, yet few people seem to want to do this. Why?

This is only a test

2011-08-23T01:00:00.001-05:00

And it failed.

The simple agonies in life, or Irresponsible bike ownership

2011-08-22T23:28:00.003-05:00

Screaming down 55th St. in higher than usual gear with a brisk cross-wind and a load of groceries in the middle of PM rush, when all of a sudden you feel a nasty *krunk* and the chain slips right off... And how long has the front brake been THAT loose??? Eeee!!!

And there are people in the world just like me who own and drive automobiles...

Perimeter Ride summary

2011-08-21T14:22:00.000-05:00

Ow. Very ow.

Musings

2011-08-18T11:01:00.002-05:00

1. The drivers in my neighborhood are so cautious around potholes! I wish they were equally cautious around me. Especially when I'm walking.

2. Why do people keep making fun of me for either (A) double-U-locking (W-locking?) my bike or (B) hobbling it with a single lock? You know what, I've never come back to my bike to find a wheel missing, even though wheel theft seems to occur with disheartening regularity throughout the city. I spent more money purchasing the Cross-Check than I do paying rent each month, so I'm not inclined to take chances, even if I'm only bopping inside for "a minute" and plan to keep an eye on it through the window. In such a situation, would you leave your unlocked car on the street with the keys dangling in the ignition? Yes, a bicycle secured in total lockdown can be rather inconvenient to extract later, but I thought that was whole idea.

From the department of things that are obvious, duh

2011-08-16T10:33:00.003-05:00

Trib:
City study: Chicago pedestrians in crosswalk are in cross hairs
A new study finds that most people hit by cars in the city are in a crosswalk

"Duh," says everyone who's ever crossed any street anywhere.

The simple joys in life

2011-08-15T22:08:00.003-05:00

The creamy light of moonrise glinting off the lake, the intricate symphony of crickets and other insects, the gentle caress of a cool nighttime breeze... The bicycle transforms a simple errand into an almost transcendent experience. This isn't about convenience or efficiency, but opportunity---the opportunity to experience a perfectly pleasant summer evening to its fullest extent, the opportunity to feel sublime joy just in being alive---and all because I had to go out and buy some toilet paper. Lucky me.

Why do you ride?

Finally, after 2 years

2011-08-15T18:50:00.001-05:00

...I rode my road-style bike on some actual roads out in the country, and it was SO MUCH FUN!!!!!

And now for something completely different

2011-08-13T11:11:00.005-05:00

D'oh, I knew I forgot something. I meant to share this.

UChiBLOGo:
The Woodwards that weren't
Part seven of our Paper Campus series.
By Benjamin Recchie, AB'03

Note: "AB" means "I went to the University of Chicago and managed to come out alive with a college degree." We also used to have "concentrations" instead of "majors" and "first-years" instead of "freshmen," and Admissions did not accept the Common Application but instead made a big fuss about uniquely creative essay topics. (I wrote the pilot episode of a TV show set at the U of C that was basically Saved by the Bell for pretentious nerds at a suburban magnet school. It may have been very slightly autobiographical. [/deadpan]) Anyway, I'm not sure what's still done differently these days. And yet I still work there; perhaps I should be paying more attention.

Anyway, Mr. Recchie managed to find the architectural renderings of what my no-longer-existent college dormitory was supposed to look like before the budget was chipped away. Some of those drawings were hanging right on the wall of the main computer lounge for all to see (and, in most cases, completely ignore), and I've been wondering for nearly 10 years where they went. Well, now it seems they're all online.

As to the whereabouts of my Woodward Court cafeteria dining set (complete with tray), I'm afraid that's still a mystery.

Why all the spandex hate?

2011-08-13T09:18:00.005-05:00

Dear Chic-sters and Nu-Freds,

I would like an honest answer: Why do you waste such enormous amounts of time ripping on roadies and their spandex?

Don't tell me it's because you want to make cycling more appealing to "average Americans." That answer is ridiculous, or perhaps you haven't noticed all those "average Americans" who wear tracksuits, sweatsuits, and replica professional sports team jerseys on a regular basis? Even those "average Americans" who aren't the least bit athletic?

Why, given our whole culture of wearing athletic attire for nonathletic activity, do you pick on cycling attire in particular as the object of your vehement scorn? Would you express such disdain for a bunch of men in mesh shorts playing a friendly pickup game of street ball, because they aren't professionals engaged in formal competition? Would you register such disapproval for a kid in a World Cup team jersey casually kicking around a soccer ball?

What would you say to my mother if you saw her driving to work in her replica NASCAR firesuit jacket?

Dear lord, what do you do when you go to the beach???

If I may make a suggestion, just lay off already. If the point truly is, as has been explained to me numerous times, to encourage noncyclists to ride bikes while wearing whatever they happen to be wearing, then just tell them that, enthusiast to n00b: "You can wear whatever and still ride a bike," or something. The word "spandex" doesn't even need to enter the conversation.

You see, what I is fear is that your endless harping on spandex is only going to foster more hostility toward us, the bike enthusiasts, from "average Americans," because the average cyclist that the "average American" encounters is still probably going to be someone wearing something made with spandex. The concepts of "bike" and "spandex" will never be uncoupled in the public consciousness as long as any discussion about bikes includes the word "spandex" featured so prominently, even in the negative.

And "average Americans" are just going to continue to treat us Freds like roadkill.

Thanks and sincerely,
Jennifer
Dedicated Bike Commuter, Amateur Cyclotourist, and Occasional Fred

My level of awesomeness is greatly increased by not living along Hipster Alley

2011-08-11T13:15:00.005-05:00

("Hipster Alley," in case you were unaware, is often used in reference to Milwaukee Avenue in Chicago, specifically the portion from it's southwest terminus in West Town northwest to Logan Square. I think. I don't live anywhere near there, as I shall elaborate below, so I don't know for sure.)

I am continually amazed by the number of ~~cyclists~~ people on bikes in [insert north side neighborhood here, but usually Lincoln Park and its environs] who are, well, amazed that I rode my bike all the way from Hyde Park! And then will be riding all the way back! Reactions range from "mildly surprised" to "duly impressed" or even "completely aghast."

I don't get it. The average bike commute in Chicago proper is, what, 5-10 miles or something? Mine is less than 2 miles. Yes, it is indeed quite nice to have the exquisite luxury of working within one's 2-mile zone, but it makes me feel like the Bicycle Commuting Community's biggest wimp for having such a sissy little short commute. I ride my bike because walking takes too damn long and I believe the campus bus fosters an unsavory dependence on University infrastructure in addition to taking too damn long.

Yet every week or so, there I am in Lincoln Park or Wicker Park or some other Park, telling someone on a bike that I rode up there from Hyde Park and being treated like I am the very paragon of awesomeness for having ridden so far.

Is it the lack of spandex? Do people just not expect that someone will take a 20-25 mile round trip in jeans and a t-shirt? (I do admit that jeans can be quite uncomfortable in the wrong kind of weather, but what else am I supposed to wear?) Do my evening/weekend excursions have me intersecting not with the "commuter" crowd but instead people riding for "errands" or "around town" and therefore accustomed to shorter distances? Is it just because it seems like Hyde Park is so far away from anything, despite being less than 8 miles away from the Loop? Or is there some kind of "south side mystique" at work?

2011-08-11T02:17:00.002-05:00

Someday I'm going to be the Bad Mom because I make my kids get shots and wash their hands, but I won't let them eat sushi or drink raw milk.

I broke it!

2011-08-10T10:32:00.000-05:00

How much will a new chainring for the Cross-Check cost, anybody know?

I miss physics.

2011-08-05T12:57:00.002-05:00

I really do. I wish I'd been good enough to do it for a living, so I wouldn't be trapped here in this haphazard biomedical semi-career that has rendered me seemingly unqualified to do anything else at all. There is no elegance here, no beauty, no simplicity of form or purity of nature. There are only flasks of cell cultures, cages of mice, neat little trays of disembodied tissue. Before you so much as sneeze, you must fill out a stack of forms on the ethical considerations. It's all too messy and too confined for me. I don't like it at all.

I'm also far too insensitively and indiscreetly honest

2011-08-04T19:22:00.004-05:00

I used to imagine myself as Illinois' first bike-commuting governor. We'd finally get stuff done! The Bicycle Community would love me!

But lately I've realized, there I'd be at some photo op with my grimy road bike, my single half-filled pannier, my helmet, my cycling gloves, my neon yellow waterproof jacket, my comfy shoes, and---worst of all---my PANTS!!!!!! There would be outrage. Civilized outrage, but outrage nonetheless.

Well, it was an amusing dream while it lasted...

Annoyed woman is annoyed

2011-07-31T01:44:00.002-05:00

Seriously, when is this going to stop being news already?

Fake bikes are no fun

2011-07-27T16:24:00.004-05:00

Are there any so-called avid cyclists out there who transitioned from primarily indoor stationary cycling at the gym to actual bicycle riding outside in the real world? What was your experience like?

I ask because a friend of a friend is a pre-n00b who expects to be able to maintain an average speed of 20-25 mph on her commute (typical city bike commute from the north side to the Loop, probably about 6-7 miles). I believe she has an exercycle and a couple of spin workout videos, and I'm wondering if I should bother to caution her that she's being wildly unrealistic. (Probably not, but I'm still curious.)

Bike racks of Hyde Park: Long Haul Trucker's annoying younger sibling

2011-07-25T21:20:00.001-05:00

Metra vs. Usable Metra

2011-07-25T15:12:00.007-05:00

Metra:

Usable Metra:

Based on Sunday schedules. Stations with intermittent Sunday service are not marked if there are stations with regular Sunday service down the line.

Geography fail

2011-07-25T13:46:00.002-05:00

Next protected bike lane: Jackson Boulevard on North Side

Um...

I have horsefly bites on my butt

2011-07-23T13:25:00.009-05:00

I just woke up.

I decided to spend an unexpected afternoon off yesterday on a 50-mile bike ride through the approximate middle of nowhere. (The farthest I got into nowhere was still somewhat north of the middle.) I thought that I needed to be out in the country on my own for a while. Alas, I forgot that person who gives out a cell phone number instead of a landline number is never truly alone. The heat index was about 100 degrees Fahrenheit. There was absolutely no wind. I was stuck on a gravel trail with the consistency of damp sand. I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to keep going. But I didn't want to stop. But there was nowhere to go. But it was too hot and sticky to stop. Now I think I know what purgatory must be like.

Back at the Metra station, I extracted my veloskirt from my alien transport pod, as onlookers looked on with vague disapproval. Yeah, who the hell was I kidding here? I caught my reflection in a window and winced at myself, covered head to toe with sweat, grime, bug bites, and poorly healing wounds on my legs from a spill I took doing something similar last weekend. As an example of metro-area bike/train commuting, I certainly presented a pretty unappealing image. Well, hang it all, I thought, I'm not commuting. I'm on my way home from an adventure, and if I look I've been exerting myself in an athletic, outdoor activity in questionable weather all afternoon and evening, it's only because that's exactly what I've been doing.

It was, in an odd way, exactly what I'd needed. I was right after all.

But damn, was I exhausted. The good kind of exhausted, but exhausted nonetheless. And then it t-stormed all night and I couldn't get any flipping sleep. Ah well.

An era ends

2011-07-22T11:58:00.003-05:00

Dear drivers, please treat me like a pothole

2011-07-20T23:17:00.002-05:00

On my knees I implore you, please pretend that I am one of bumpy areas on Cornell Avenue that you try so very, very hard to avoid, by slowing to a crawl and even executing a full lane change just to go around them, leaving as wide a margin as possible given the narrowness of our street. Please, by all means, treat me like a pothole instead of like a person. I'm begging you to dehumanize me as much as it takes to transform me, in your mind, into an obstacle so deserving, so worthy, of your complete, total, and utter aversion as the almighty craters in the middle of the street---the ones that you regard with such wary concern that you will risk colliding head-on with a mere bicyclist just to avoid them.

Impending Metra service cuts?

2011-07-16T00:04:00.003-05:00

Trib: Metra warns it may cut trains on every line but one in 2012

Oh, yay. I hope it's just a bluff for more money or something, but you never know when the legislature might call it. Meanwhile, gas prices appear to be holding more or less steady at $4.29/gal across both streets. And area cyclists (not me or here, but others on the Chainlink) continue to make shockingly unreasonable demands of Metra like they have huge piles of money just lying around somewhere.

Anyway, here's the important part (the last number is "the approximate number of riders usually served by each train"):

BNSF
1274 4:08 PM 84
1273 5:36 PM 535
1298 10:20 PM 66
1299 11:40 PM 115

Metra Electric
758 7:47 AM 356
604 7:31 AM 220
503 4:54 PM 151
739 5:40 PM 320

Milwaukee North
2122 7:16 AM 565
2137 5:15 PM 110
2152 6:20 PM 308
2151 7:35 PM 260

Milwaukee West
2212 6:54 AM 403
2235 5:05 PM 445

North Central Service
106 6:44 AM 409
111 4:58 PM 384

Rock Island
402 5:29 AM 787
602 6:05 AM 411
302 8:10 AM 192
303 5:30 PM 301

SouthWest Service
804 5:49 AM 399
831 6:15 PM 384

Union Pacific North
358 7:10 PM 170
369 11:35 PM 71

Union Pacific Northwest
645 5:23 PM 537
660 8:00 PM 161
665 11:30 PM 210

Union Pacific West
12 5:22 AM 357
17 6:57 AM 20
28 7:32 AM 385
25 8:40 AM 88

Heritage Corridor
No service changes

Weekend service

Milwaukee North Line:
2 roundtrips on Saturday and 1 roundtrip on Sunday

Union Pacific North:
2 roundtrips on Saturday and 1 roundtrip on Sunday

SouthWest Service:
Saturday service (3 inbound and 3 outbound trains)

White Sox and Bears Extra Service would be ended.

Enough of this practical urban shizzazz---I wanna ride!

2011-07-14T02:38:00.005-05:00

It's long past time for me to put on my Fred outfit and take my road-style bike out on some actual roads. Just me and the corn. (So... much... corn...) I don't think I've done that yet in the nearly two years I've owned the damn thing. My old boss teased me when she found out I was getting a road bike: "What do you need a road bike for? There aren't any roads around here!" I responded that I might want to ride on some roads later, and possibly even some hills. "What hills?"

Believe it or not, there are hills (corn-free hills, even!) in our very own state of Illinois: the Driftless Area in the northwest corner, which was spared being flattened by glaciers; the Shawnee hills way down near the southern tip, which are the eroded remains of ancient mountains or something beyond the glaciers' southernmost extent; and the major river valleys (Mississippi, Illinois, etc.), which are surrounded by impressive bluffs.

Anyway, I think I'm going to skip the Tour de Fat and hit the road on Saturday. My tentative destination is Kankakee River State Park by way of the Wauponsee Glacial Trail from Joliet. (First bike/train trip of '11! Frak, I need to get out more.) I don't even want to think about how far it is. I can't quite remember the last time I rode that far at all. Well, you never know for sure that you can't do something until you fail spectacularly in the attempt. And it should theoretically be easier to travel such distances without that tank of a Trek hybrid underneath me, right?

Register now for the... FSBT?

2011-07-13T00:12:00.004-05:00

How is Active Trans abbreviating the Four-Star Bike Tour? "FSBT" is kind of a mouthful.

Anyway, it used to be called the Boulevard Lakefront Tour (BLT), and it's the finest organized tour of Chicago neighborhoods that there is. After four years of college and one year of living like a Real Adult, it was the 2005 BLT that finally, truly introduced me (then the n00biest bike n00b you ever saw) to the City of Chicago.

I invite you to come out and meet your city, or acquaint yourself with an old and dear friend. The best way to see Chicago is by bike, and the best way to see Chicago by bike is on this tour.

OK, yeah, sure there are Chicago neighborhood bike tours in abundance these days, but I assure you that this one stands out as the very best. First, Active Trans has been doing this ever since they were the Chicagoland Bicycle Federation in like 1988 or something, so you know they know how to organize a bike tour. Second, each of the routes is designed to hit up as many different neighborhoods as possible given its length, unlike most other tours, which concentrate on only one or two at a time. Third, it's at your own pace and even by your own self if you want, so there's no stopping for history lessons with a huge group every half-mile (if that's not your thing) or whizzing through the scenery without any chance to pause and look at stuff (if that's not your thing, either). And finally, for a very reasonable registration fee (if you think it's not, then check out what the for-profit tour operators are charging), you get complete support, a whole bunch of free swag, and the satisfaction of knowing that you've contributed to a nonprofit organization that works ridiculously hard to support nonmotorized and public transportation in Chicagoland.

There goes the last trace of my angsty youth

2011-07-12T00:44:00.002-05:00

I haven't really listed to the radio in years, so I probably have no right to lament the end of Q101, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to miss it. My fondest memories are of the time I spent listening to that station all night and most of the day.

Is broadcasting really dead? Was it really Teh Intertoobz that killed it, or just spectacularly bad management? I wonder because my delirious, sleep-deprived mind is suddenly seeing a few amusing parallels with the situation in the publishing industry.

I saw the Beef Gravy Cross-Check of Hyde Park with its owner today!

2011-07-11T19:14:00.002-05:00

And he rides like a douche. Well, one man's douche is another man's feminine wash. Or something.

In other news, I am absolutely, positively, hopelessly in love with my tires. They are probably the fattest tires on any road-style bike in Chicagoland and Northwest Indiana, but they make me happy.

Another day, another severe storm

2011-07-11T17:34:00.004-05:00

Yes, I'm okay. I was awakened by a gust of wind that slammed my bedroom door shut, just in time to close all my windows. I tried to go back to bed, but wind was too damn loud. So I stood at the living room window and watched the derecho scream through the city. Yikes.

Amazingly, I never lost power. (I didn't have water between Saturday this afternoon, but that was an unrelated issue.)

Do you think your life is boring?

2011-07-09T00:09:00.001-05:00

Here is an exciting Friday night bike route for you:

View Larger Map

Freedom Day

2011-07-06T21:37:00.003-05:00

Hey, there are fireworks at Navy Pier again! Just like there are every freaking Wednesday and Saturday during the summer. I don't see why everyone felt compelled to cram themselves along the lakefront last Saturday night in particular, considering there was absolutely nothing special about the fireworks display that evening. I don't even see why anyone bothered to go on Monday, either---the Taste of Chicago had ended the previous afternoon, there was no orchestra [no orchestra! it's Not Right!], and the display was only, what, 15 minutes long? As usual? And hey, there are fireworks again tonight. And there will be fireworks again on Saturday night. And next Wednesday. And next Saturday. And the Wednesday after that. And so on. It ceases to be special after a while, especially without the orchestra.

To everyone who apparently still has illegal shit from Indiana: It is now the 6th of July and a weeknight, and there are no further holidays until Labor Day, so could you please kindly stop exploding things all night long so the rest of us in your neighborhood can get back to work and sleep already. Thank you.

I saw a little old lady on a bike, and I smiled...

2011-07-06T03:19:00.002-05:00

...as she left me in the dust, and I watched her grey hair, replica pro team jersey, and shiny racing bike recede into the distance ahead of me.

And I thought, when I grow up, I want to be that little old lady!

No Jennifers were harmed in the making of this video

2011-07-01T16:07:00.002-05:00

Taking shelter from the supercells at McCormick Place Lakeside Center.

More Surlies, surely?

2011-06-30T02:44:00.003-05:00

I used to count myself lucky if I could spot another Surly in the wild, but this summer it seems as though they are everywhere. There must have been at least a dozen that I saw at Bike the Drive, and I seldom take a trip up the lakefront during a reasonable hour (I occasionally keep reasonable hours) without encountering one or two, usually a Steamroller or another Cross-Check.

I have decided that the Surly Cross-Check is the equivalent of the old Jeep Wrangler (back before all the four-door nonsense): the owners all wave to each other, and the machines themselves are just begging to be customized. I'm glad I transplanted the SKS Fenders of Doom onto Fullmetal this year---they make it more individualized, more mine, not just another Cross-Check out and about in the city. I can't wait until the boring, black handlebar tape wears out and I can start doing funky colors. I'm thinking yellow...

Oh, and it's starting to make funny noises, so I guess I'm finally abusing it properly, as befits a Surly. One of these days I'll make another attempt with the roadie tires and see just how fast it can go.

Good news: Ducks!

2011-06-29T13:23:00.000-05:00

Ducks rescued on Lake Shore Drive

2011-06-29T02:07:00.002-05:00

Oh! Here comes a train!
I will miss them late at night
after I am gone.

"guns? cigarettes? bike helmets?"

2011-06-27T15:21:00.001-05:00

In a parenthetical aside following a reference to "depression and risky behavior" in this article.

Go comment the hell out of 'em, Bicycle Community.

I am not doing well

2011-06-25T18:14:00.001-05:00

Physically.

Another hypothesis about why fewer women bike to work (or wherever)

2011-06-24T12:23:00.004-05:00

Let's face it, so-called transportation cycling just isn't an accepted norm, no matter how tempted we may be to insist that it is (or will be, very soon). If you bike to work, you are an anomaly. You are doing something unusual and strange that may confuse or even frighten your coworkers.

I think it may be that men are less afraid of (or even just less concerned about) being seen as eccentric and weird by their peers. It seems to me that women are under more pressure than men to conform with social norms. I do not believe these norms are even gender-based, except possibly to the extent that men may feel more encouraged to break the mold and distinguish themselves in some way. But I think women, in general, feel either discouraged from standing out from the norm or encouraged to fit in with the norm. (There's a subtle difference, if you think about it.) I cannot say whether this pressure is mostly self-imposed or comes from outside influences, or whether those outside influences are more often from men or from other women. But whatever its nature, I think the pressure is there.

So, I think the best way to get more women to bike to work is to... get more women to bike to work. I know, it's an infuriatingly circular problem in that light, but I don't see how anything else but time---maybe even a lot of time---is going to be successful. If I'm right, then we're still in the early-adopter phase, and the number of female bike commuters will continue to increase by a slow trickle, and the n00bs will make that decision mostly out of necessity or expediency, and their average attributes won't be those of the kind of women who seems to represent the "gold standard" in all of these discussions. The paradigm won't shift until... actually, there may not even be a paradigm shift at all. I think the model of change as a slow trudge of progress may apply in this case.

Bike to Crummy Part-Time Job Week

2011-06-15T11:13:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow morning I should pretend to have a Real Job and hit up all the commuter pit stops in the city for free stuff. It's not a strictly recreational ride if you eventually end up at place where you perform tasks for monetary compensation, right?

8-year-old girl hits car?!?!

2011-06-08T17:22:00.001-05:00

Fuck you, Tribune.

How my folding bike was nearly technically stolen by some drunk-ass loser at the bus stop

2011-06-05T20:36:00.008-05:00

[For the reader's convenience, I have translated crazy drunk-ese into English to the best of my ability.]

Drunk-ass loser: [grabs at my bike] Hey miss, that bag looks heavy! Let me take that for you.
Me: [walks away] No, I don't need any help, thank you.
DAL: [follows me and keeps grabbing] No no, just let me hold it for a second.
Me: [turns around and starts unpacking] No thank you, sir, I'm fine.
DAL: [continues grabbing at my bike] It's okay, I just want to hold it.
Me: [whisks bike away from DAL] Please don't touch my bike, sir!
DAL: [comes around and resumes grabbing] What? No, I'm not going to steal your pissy little bike! I'm just going to hold it for you while you give me twenty dollars.
Me: [yanks bike away and unfolds it in record time] No, sir, I don't have twenty dollars. Please let me be.
DAL: [still grabbing] Then you're going to take your credit card over to that ATM over there and get me twenty dollars while I hold your bike for you!
Me: [flees] No!

Did I mention that this whole exchange took place in broad daylight in front of dozens of people? So much for the kindness of strangers. In fact, one or two of those strangers who had been watching me get harassed (attacked?) then proceeded to make pissed-off remarks about "damn bikers" after I bumped into them while removing myself from the situation, like I'd purposely tried to knock them over for no reason. I ran inside the building and didn't stop until I'd turned a corner so I was out of sight of the entrance. Let them yell at me, I thought, my safety has been compromised outside. But nobody said anything. In fact, there wasn't a uniformed employee in sight who was paying the slightest bit of attention. I was all by myself in a crowd of hundreds, with a raving lunatic outside who'd just put his hands on me and my stuff while bystanders stood by and did nothing.

I didn't call the police because I didn't want to stay in that location for the amount of time that it would take to get out my phone, find a signal, call 911, give an accurate description of the perpetrator, and wait for the officers to arrive. Since there wasn't anyone in charge around who seemed to be in a position to help me, I just continued putting everything together, then I picked up my bike and ran out the door. I saw drunk-ass loser stumbling toward me again, so I just kept running all the way to the curb, jumped out into the street, mounted, and got the hell away from there. Actually, I think I might have done both the jumping and the mounting at the same time, because something on the bike went crack when I landed, I've lost my SuperFlash (it had been clipped to the loop on my trunk bag), and my leg hurts like I came down too hard on the wrong part of my foot or something. (My head hurts, too, but that's unrelated.) Thanks, drunk-ass loser, you've cost me more than the $20 you wanted, even after all the bullshit bank fees.

Po Campo bungee handbag final review: Negative

2011-05-26T01:42:00.005-05:00

Sadly, I must tell you that I cannot recommend this bike bag for serious, regular use. I'm not going to count on it to hold up to a daily all-weather commute (or whatever) of moderate to long length. Basically, if you ride your bike because of lousy public transit options, then you're probably going to want something more robust. (But if you're the sort of person who can and will take your bike for a bus ride when it rains, then you'll probably be just fine.)

So first, the sleek little bungee clip broke exactly when I most feared it would: on top of a pothole in a construction zone in the middle of a busy intersection during PM rushhour downtown in crummy weather. I don't know how, I don't know why, but it's broken and I can't fix it. Well, that's what knots are for. At least I was walking when it broke. Why does shit always happen to me while I'm walking?

Second, having neglected to conduct a shower test earlier, I had to find out the hard way that, despite being made of vinyl, the bag itself is not waterproof. Granted, we've been getting an unholy amount of rain all night (and all day, and all last night), and it's probably my own fault that I got stuck in it for about 8 miles. But you know, as a dedicated cyclist, sometimes you're going to get stuck in an unholy amount of rain, and you want to know you can count on your stuff staying reasonably dry when that happens. And "reasonably" should at least mean that you don't have to lay the cash in your wallet out to dry overnight.

In conclusion, it looks pretty, but it's no more durable or waterproof than any other ladies' purse. I'm going to save up for some Ortlieb panniers now.

Ode to the Surly Cross-Check That I Still Totally Do Not Deserve to Own

2011-05-16T04:29:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't taken you outside in five days. I haven't needed to. I'm sorry about that, too. If I don't need you, then why do I have you?

I'm sorry I make you wear those ridiculous fenders and ginormous tires. Those big, squishy tires with the bad-ass treads are probably better suited for my boyfriend's hybrid bike. In fact, my boyfriend's hybrid bike is probably more of a road bike than you are, as I've set you up, even though you have the curly handlebars.

I'm sorry I don't utilize all of the available hand positions on your handlebars. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good road bike not to ride "in the drops" from time to time.

I'm sorry I don't actually treat you like a perfectly good road bike.

I'm sorry I don't actually treat you like a perfectly good cyclocross bike, either. Riding off into the mud and taunting my boyfriend while he whines about his tires doesn't count as cyclocross. But it's fun. But I don't need you for that.

I'm sorry I told everyone in the world that I was going to set you up as a touring bike and then failed to go on any actual bike tour with you.

I'm sorry I can't use you as a commuter, because I work from home.

I'm sorry that if I did use you as a commuter, it would probably be at some shitty job without indoor bike parking, so I'd have no choice but to leave you outside all day, leaving you vulnerable to the depraved whims of total strangers. Well, if you did run off with someone else, I guess I'd understand, but I'd still feel pretty hurt.

I try. You know I try, right? We have fun together, right? Right?

I hate the weather and the weather hates me

2011-05-14T19:56:00.001-05:00

I thought we were done with this sh!t.

There will be n00bs

2011-05-10T00:58:00.004-05:00

On every trail, path, and sidewalk; in every bike lane, shoulder, and gutter; as far as the eye can see (or not, because they don't often have lights): n00bs on full-suspension bike-shaped objects from Target, n00bs on rusty and rickety old ten-speeds, n00bs on ill-fitting low-end Trek hybrids that may or may not have been assembled correctly. Everyone who didn't get a bike in 2008 is getting a bike now.

(And to those of you who did get a bike in 2008, where the heck have you been for three years? Or did your job kerplode too, and that's why you don't bike commute anymore, either? We should form a club. A former commuter club. We'll be just like a roadie club, except we'll bring all our stuff and then critique each others' resumes.)

Yes, my friends, the n00bs are coming. Ready your chain lube guns and your magnetic LEDs, because it's going to be a long, dark, noisy summer.

I saw a n00b at Target just today. (Well, my spare helmet finally broke, and where was I going to get another one for just $12? Yes, it's CPSC certified. Somehow.) From what I could overhear, he wanted to save money by getting a bike, but there was nothing at the bike shop with more than one speed for under $500. ("And I'm like, I want to save money, not spend even more money, you dig?") So he'd come to Target.

The salesman extracted a full-squish mountain-style thing (from where I was standing, the wheels seemed to be warped already) and declared that it had "really good brakes." The customer thanked him, paused by the accessory rack just long enough to grab a $20 lock that could probably be defeated with a pair of salad tongs, and then wheeled over to the elevator, a look of unbearable smugness already starting to light up his face.

Yes, I kept my big mouth shut, I assure you. After all, I was there at a big-box retailer to buy a $12 spare helmet, and then I decided to purchase some cheap clothing made by starving third-world orphans while I was at it, so who was I to judge anyway. But I winced all the way back to the lakefront. These people are insane! And they drive!!!

Living in a bubble

2011-05-08T01:12:00.002-05:00

"It seems I've been seeing a lot more people on bikes lately."

"Well, haven't you been paying attention to gas prices?"

"No, why would I?"

Later, we drove out to Countryside and back. But it wasn't my idea. Honestly, I kinda wish I'd just stayed home tonight.

Train of terror

2011-05-06T14:47:00.003-05:00

Please add your eyes and ears to those of our own.

And don't try to pet the K-9 dogs; they have work to do.

Pedaling for no cause whatsoever (everyday edition)

2011-05-06T01:44:00.002-05:00

Ask any cyclist, avid or otherwise, why she rides her bike to work/for errands/around town* and you will most likely get a preachy-sounding laundry list of reasons related to health (physical or otherwise), the environment, and saving money on gas/parking/insurance. Even the stylish people tend to ride for some personal financial, health-related, or environmental cause; they just do it more stylishly.

Nobody ever says "Because it's FUN!!!!!!!!" (Or, less manically, "Why not?")

It's as though we were afraid to admit it. Why does there always have to be a reason? Is this a free country or what?

*I've come to the conclusion that the latter is actually a euphemism for "to go somewhere for the purpose of consuming alcohol," because if you're riding your bike around town, but you aren't going to work or running errands, and you sure as hell aren't riding for fitness or "recreation" as the term is commonly understood as it relates to cycling, then what the hell else are you doing?

Hyde Park to suck less after I'm gone

2011-05-04T23:36:00.002-05:00

It always works out that way.

I'm not looking forward to grocery shopping in the suburbs. Sure, prices are low, but selection is meh.

Po Campo bungee handbag in action (stealth mode)

2011-05-04T12:46:00.002-05:00

At Goose Island (the brewpub, not the actual island).

I am somewhat disappointed because the trapezoidal cross-section results in a considerable amount of unusable space at the bottom along the edges. It's not really as large on the inside as you might think it would be. There are certain items without which I just don't go anywhere by bike, and to make room for those items, I had to sacrifice my hairbrush. The results were not pretty.

Then again, this is what a Normal Purse looks like to most Normal Women, which was kind of the whole point of Po Campo in the first place, so I should probably just keep my abnormal mouth shut and be grateful that I only paid about 50% of the retail price to be somewhat disappointed. However, I do have to be honest and admit that for any activity unrelated to or uninvolved with bicycling, I feel Haiku is a much better brand. I wish Haiku made a tote with a rigid panel and hooks. I'd be all over that.

Two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl

2011-05-02T23:42:00.000-05:00

year after year.

Flooding MO farmland to save Cairo, IL

2011-05-02T15:15:00.002-05:00

Nobody's saying it, but I think everyone is thinking it: Why is a craphole town of 3,000 worth more than the safety and livelihood of some couple hundred farmers?

Why indeed? Or why not? I think it's an important question deserving of serious discussion, but there are princes getting married and bad guys getting shot, so nobody really cares.

The Tribune stories include maps of these towns that no one around here has ever heard of but I could probably point to with my eyes closed. I'm pretty well traveled when it comes to Illinois.

This is a triumph

2011-04-30T13:05:00.003-05:00

Be it known that I have just inflated my own tires for the first time since the Panaracer exploded at me last year.

Obligatory post on the royal wedding

2011-04-29T12:46:00.003-05:00

Actually, I just want you to look at this cake.

And then look at this video (NSFW).

Please excuse me while I jinx myself twice

2011-04-28T08:51:00.002-05:00

Here I am with My One And Only (Full-Sized) Bicycle now being $1100 worth of sex appeal instead of $300 worth of great personality, and what do I do but go find myself a prospective job less than 2 miles from where I live and adjacent to what must be the worst bike theft hotspot in three neighborhoods. Frak me.

I suppose I could ease my anxiety by promoting my $500 folding bike from spare ride to full-time commuter, but it seems like a waste of a folding bike to subject it to almost certain theft by leaving it outside all day. (No, I would not be able to fold it up and bring it inside with me; there are reasons. And that is exactly my point.)

Perhaps I should just hope that I won't actually get this job so it won't be a problem after all. Or perhaps I should just suck it up and take the bus because it's simply not worth risking property loss for a temporary part-time position anyway.