01 June 2010

Another episode of Hybrid and Folder: When geeks ride bikes

Folder: Okay, so we have a halfling, two humans, a dwarf, and an elf. Now we need to figure out our classes.
Hybrid: Who's the elf?
Folder: The new girl. She was quite insistent; I think she might do LARP as an elf.
Hybrid: Folder, have you ever played this game before?
Folder: Heck no! I prefer to spend all my spare time---of which I have an unholy large amount nowadays, I should add---playing Tetris.
Hybrid: Then whose idea was it to start a game of D&D?
Folder: The new girl, naturally. Now, she said that the first step was to figure out the races and classes of our characters. The races were easy enough---I'm a halfling, of course; the new girl already has an elf character; Frankenbike agreed to play as a dwarf; and you and Roadie get to be humans: Roadie because he's being apathetic, and you because you're being belligerent.
Hybrid: I told you, I want to be an orc!
Folder: And I told you, I don't think you can be an orc in regular D&D! I think you're thinking of one of the expansion packs for Munchkin.
Hybrid: Then why don't we play Munchkin?
Folder: Do you have a deck?
Hybrid: Frak no! You know I'm not into ironic RPGs.
Folder: Well, you're ironically playing a real RPG now.
Hybrid: Whose idea was---
Folder: I told you, the new girl. Now, the various classes are---
Hybrid: I want to be a paladin.
Folder: Okay, do you know what a paladin is?
Hybrid: No, but I think it sounds really cool.
Folder: Well, a paladin, as it was described to me, is something like a hybrid---
Hybrid: Definitely want to be a paladin.
Folder: ---between a warrior and a wizard. Or was it a warrior and a healer? No, was it a warrior and a cleric?
Hybrid: Who cares what the non-warrior half does?
Folder: Well, you should, if you're going to be one.
Hybrid: Maybe I'll just be a warrior, then. I want to be able to wear all the badass heavy armor.
Folder: You are going to be the worst D&D player ever.
Hybrid: How do you know? You've never played, either.
Folder: I don't think you're taking this game insanely obsessively seriously enough to be a good player.
Hybrid: Uh, isn't that a good thing? I do have a job to commute to, you know. I can't waste all my time in some fantasy world.
Folder: Hybrid, it's arguable that you already waste all your time in some fantasy world, one that exists entirely within your own headset and prevents you from playing a simple, fun game that takes place in a universe that's the combined product of imaginations other than yours. There, I said it.
Hybrid: Then why did you even invite me to play? And for that matter, why did you invite Roadie? All he ever does is sit in the corner and mutter to himself about gravel.
Folder: Well...
Hybrid: Let me guess---it was the new girl's idea?
Folder: Um, yeah, actually.
Hybrid: Oh. I was kidding, but...
Folder: Yeah.
Hybrid: Well then.


At 03 June, 2010 23:50, Blogger Jennifer said...

If this seems like the lamest episode of H&F ever, it's because I know squat about Dungeons and Dragons. The episode idea grew out of a comment I made to un-n00b that my first impression of his new bike was that it was like an elf, to which he replied "You mean like a D&D elf, right?" From there, it was not difficult to imagine all of our hopelessly geeky bikes getting together to play D&D---except that I was utterly ignorant of the details of the game, which actually made it quite difficult indeed.

So, consider Folder's description of D&D to be mine, based on what I remember my boyfriend telling me about it one night, to someone who doesn't even know enough to be able to laugh at a good pop-culture reference but played Munchkin a couple times in college.

Imagining Folder as a halfling bard with floundering charisma was funny for a few minutes, anyway.


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