Tire update, or My bike is the best bike in the whole world because it's mine
I've had to relearn an important lesson recently. The best bike for you, and the best stuff for your bike, is the bike-stuff combination that YOU are comfortable using.
For example, high-pressure, low-rolling-resistance tires that I'm terrified to inflate and make me anxious that I will lose control and crash are NOT the best tires for my bike. At least not for now. I won't ever ride it if that's how I feel about it, and I'll hate myself for wasting the money.
So Fullmetal the Totally Emo Surly Cross-Check is now sporting a pair of ginormous 700x35c Vittoria Randonneurs, just like I've already been using on the hybrid this whole time. They probably look really stupid on a road bike. They're probably going to hamper it from reaching the speeds it was intended to reach. I'm going to refrain from caring about either of those things. In any case, Surlies are almost always customized in some weird way by their owners, and skinny tires probably won't do much for a rider who's incapable of reaching those speeds anyway.
And I had such an amazingly awesome ride last night, with no anxiety about anything exploding or crashing. My bike is back! It's mine again!