14 March 2008

No country for young ladies, or Back-to-back in the feed reader

Dear so-called conservatives:

Normally I'd give a pathetic little sniffle and ask that you please stop calling me "un-American" or "anti-American," but with the word "American" being used as such a nasty insult in some circles lately, I'm starting to think that perhaps I should lift my head proudly and thank you for the compliment. (It's too bad for apple pie, though.)

So I don't drive. Why do you feel so threatened by that? Is our nation so weak that it will be brought down by broke, timid little me scurrying along on a bike? I'm flattered, really, but I'm afraid you overestimate me. I don't think I've ever successfully convinced anyone who wasn't already so inclined to bike commute. I hear your favorite excuses all the time from "liberals" who let their hearts bleed right out of their tailpipes.

Besides, "conservative" and "conservation" share the same root. One would think that something such as bicycling that conserved resources and saved money would be appealing to you. Check out my downsized vehicle! See how efficient and cost-effective it is? And aren't I just oozing with individual resolve, self-reliance, and plucky determination to be powering it myself?

I thought you valued those qualities. Oh right, I'm a woman. Sorry, so many people don't notice that even I forget sometimes. Well, if that's the thing that threatens you, then I'm afraid you have deeper issues than gasoline could ever solve. You should try riding a bike sometime, though, it can be quite soothing. Or an enormous surge of power and adrenaline, whichever you prefer.

No, you do not have to wear those spandex shorts. Sheesh, give it a rest already. I thought obsession with clothing was supposed to be a silly, womanish thing.

Lots of love (because we "liberals" give everything lots of love),

(Pointless American musings brought to you by Gwadzilla and Bike Biz via Freewheel and SiouxGeonz, respectively.)


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