Trying my hand at baiku, or Don't be shy
[Did I spell that correctly?]
Tiny X-mas lights
flash festively on my frame.
I feel like a dork.
Urban cycling, I've found, is not for the timid. The first rule is to pretend you're invisible. The second rule is to screw the first rule and go out of your way to make yourself as visible as possible. If you draw attention to yourself, then drivers are more likely to notice you and possibly give you a wide berth because they have no idea what other crazy thing you might do.
Crazy chick on bike!
I don't want to mess with her.
I'd better slow down.
If you're timid, this means you attract cautious stares when you ride around on a bike that's literally lit up like a Christmas tree with red and green blinky lights and candy-cane striped reflective tape,* which is exactly what you intended to happen, and you still feel like a dork. And yet you still somehow manage to get away with that "I'm one of those damned uppity bicyclists and I don't care what you lowly pedestrians think of me" attitude when you park your ridiculous contraption outside Walgreens and then saunter inside while still wearing your helmet. (No one notices helmet hair until you take it off, right?)
Bike Lane Hotties wear
helmets all the time and don't
ever look like dorks!
Speaking of helmets, you'd look hotter in one. Well, I'm only guessing that you would (some of us might get points for trying), but the Safety is Sexy Campaign is quite convinced. I've already gone over the nonscientific, mostly safety-unrelated reasons why you might want to wear a helmet here. It's your own call, of course, but a timid person should note that nothing draws attention to yourself like a gory head injury. So make sure your helmet has a visor and that you wear sunglasses at all times. That way no one will ever know what you really look like, and they won't be able to recognize you later.
Shop at CBF
for more stickers but there are
none. Where did they go?
*FYI, I finally found some in the automotive section at a Menards in Minnesota, where I paid some obscene amount of money for about a yard (meter) of the stuff. Quite effective, though. Ask a more safety-savvy person if there's a good place where you can order it cheaper on the Web.